Large-ish Carnivorous Marsupials.

One is about to engage in a journey that shan’t leave one unchanged. Rather large-ish predatory carnivores—and Marsupials, at that—await. So. Jeez.

Good god!!! What **are** those crazed, fearsome creatures?? Well, they happen to be the world’s size-y-est carnivorous marsupial—a position once held by my belovèd Thylacine—until extinction occurred, in 1936—they are Tasmanian Devils.

Is there no end to the unprecedented savagery?

So, basically, I shall now quote a self-styled “expert” who specializes in “these types of things” (and also operates a fine blog, The Ferret-Badger of Borneo): “These predators (/scavengers…) are capable not only of generating one of the strongest bites per unit body mass of any beast, but also—arguably—possess the goods to produce the 5th highest rating on the Æternal Indices of The Cuteness Scale (higher even than Kristen Stewart), as compiled and tirelessly evaluated/re-etc.’d by the 3rd cousin, twice removed, of the co-author of The Golden Age of Ballooning, vol. 43. Guess it runs in the family. At *any* rate, these fierce marsupials will tear your throat out for you, and are also cute as hell.” Pretty Spot-On, I’d have to say.

Well. Upon reflection, I’d wager the above “expert” to be on the precipice of…something. He was close on the Bite Force Quotient, but…” The scientists discovered that the Devil has, relative to its size, the most powerful bite of any mammalian predator alive. Its “bite force quotient” is nearly three times greater than a domestic cat, twice that of a fox or black bear and a third greater than a tiger or wolf.” Ye gods. That is *some* bite. Greater than a Tiger! Furthermore, guess who has the second most devastating bite, pound for pound…the Tiger Quoll, who is next up on our bite parade.

It would appear that your Tiger Quoll possesses similar characteristics to the Tasmanian Devil: they are both frighteningly savage; they will predate on you and tear your throat out, for you; and, they are ridiculously cute and beguiling {when not instilling sheer terror}. One last bitey quote, from expert actuelle Steve Wroe: “At 1.5kilograms the spotted-tailed {or Tiger} quoll can kill a seven-kilogram swamp wallaby,” he said. “That’s an animal five times its own body mass. Tasmanian devils can kill wombat-sized animals.”

Malleodectes mirabilis, here depicted, is apparently unique among all beasts, extant or extinct, in that it has blunt, hammer-like teeth. It is believed they dined mainly on snails, 17 million years ago.

We conclude with the mighty Marsupial Lion. You want to talk about sheer biting power? “The jaw muscle of the marsupial lion was exceptionally large for its size, giving it an extremely powerful bite. Biometric calculations show, considering size, it had the strongest bite of any known mammal, living or extinct; a 101 kg (223 lb) individual would have had a bite comparable to that of a 250 kg (550 lb) African Lion.” Thus spake Dr. Wroe, againe. I, for one, am goddamn impressed. It lived 1.6 million to 46,000 years ago. But it had its moments—and many of them—during its day.